Hi, I'm Joy, and I'd like to share my story with you because it is through my own transformation that this body of work has evolved. If I could have been there for myself when I was suffering the most, these courses are what I would have given myself. If I had it at the time, my life would be unrecognisably different, but what I am most grateful for about the suffering I experienced, is that it has given me the blueprint for the way through this maze, which I'm now in a position to offer to my soul-tribe. I want to share with you how this body of work was born.
It was 2am in the Winter of 2010, and I was still a few hours from finishing a 5000 word chapter of my PhD on the dynamics of inner transformation. Even though my eyes were tired from reading and writing about what inner transformation was all about, learning all about the interplay between beliefs, emotions, and behaviour during the process of conversion and how it leads to life-long changes in moral outlook, behaviour, availability for divine grace and divine love, and the meaningfulness and purpose of life, nothing felt further from my actual experience.
"My five year research project, while it got a lot of accolades, internally felt like a frantic attempt to prove I was worthy"
I was trapped in my head - which was convenient as I was neck deep in books - but my life and soul felt empty… a dim shadow of the fullness I saw others enjoy. That wasn’t all - I was often overwhelmed by my emotions, and much of the time unable to contact how I was feeling at all. I was beset by depression and anxiety, punctuated by panic attacks, insomnia, and chronic pain. I had no idea how to relax. My relationships were a war zone, my inner-critic was an unforgiving drill sergeant, and my inner child a frightened refugee… frankly, I was miserable. I didn’t know what was wrong, and while I felt that there was something missing, I had no idea what, or how to find it. I genuinely saw no way out. This was my “normal”.
In that dark time, in the dead of that winter's night, it was somehow easier to notice my inner light - a quiet voice inside telling me not to give up. I knew intellectually, that merely knowing things doesn’t change much. I knew that I needed to live differently. So I made the decision: the pain of trying something new that might help, was less of a risk than continuing to live with the same struggles. I chose to put one foot in front of the other, and to try some new things in order to begin to heal.
"What unfolded for me, along the very lines I had set out in my theory of the conversion process. I can summarise this transformation in five words: I learnt to love myself."
At first I just experienced glimpses - an inkling that more was possible based on experiences I had when on retreat, during peak moment and in flow states, and when under expert facilitation on workshops and training courses. However, these changes were not lasting, and as soon as the experience ended and I went back to my life the same patterns came up again, the same habits and struggles reoccured. I knew I couldn’t live (or afford!) going from workshop to workshop, retreat to retreat, seeking and pursuing a temporary relief from my “normal” state.
A big ah-ha moment for me was learning that I was highly sensitive and an empath, and that explained why some facilitators, healers, and settings, didn’t really work for me - I needed a high level of sensitivity and attunement to really meet the needs of my inner child, and I learnt that the very best person in the world to do that for her, was me. So I consciously decided and set the intention to take full responsibility for my own healing, and to learn how to love myself. When a conversion happens there is no going back because the person you are irrevocably changes, and this was what I was seeking: lasting positive change. A new normal!
"My path - my healing path and spiritual path - became the way of Self Love."
I didn’t realise it at the time, but the model I’d created in my PhD could be generalised, and I was the first test subject for my transformational self love process that was based on this research, which drew from some of the greatest thinkers and mystics who have written on this area. I traded in late night essay writing sessions for early morning self love practices, reading every book and implementing every exercise I could get my hands on, and furthered my training as a healer. It took courage, work, and diligence to work through everything I needed to learn to love within me. It didn’t take long before I felt noticeable differences within myself, and my life took on a different quality, that felt increasingly guided and meaningful, although there were still blocks thrown up when I moved towards actualising my healing abilities, because I still felt overloaded with other people's emotions.
"I still avoided public crowds and supermarkets, so I knew the journey wasn't over! I didn't want to keep hiding from life..."
I internalised some of the practices that I felt were effective, and went deep with them. I created some of my own, too, and found ways to refine and deepen the practices, with the benchmark for success always being the quality of my own experience. One moment at a time, one small action, one thought, and one feeling at a time, love found its way deeper and deeper into my system, until that empty feeling was replaced with a feeling of aliveness, the painful loneliness gave way to connection, the deep pervasive sadness made space for joy, and the quiet despair turned into purpose. It was only after finding self love that I was able to turn to my true calling. I had not managed to truly serve others in the way I felt I could, before this happened.
"Once I loved myself, the patterns that help me back softened and I could follow my calling to establish a successful healing practice."
When I think and feel back to that earlier time in my life I feel deep compassion for my younger self. I see a woman who did not know her own worth, value, and beauty, and who therefore allowed herself to be treated in terrible ways, including by herself. I want to hold her, to look her in the eyes, and tell her how truly amazing she is, and how worthy of love! And if you resonate with any of the pain I have described, I want that for you too!
"My deepest wish is for all beings to be free from suffering."
I teach and guide other highly sensitive and empathic souls to make their own lasting transformation through a step-by-step holistic and practical process I’ve called the ‘I’s of self-love’, which includes the most effective and efficient methods I found, tried and tested by yours truly. Dozens of clients got the same results I did - a profound shift in the quality of their inner world and an upgrade in the quality of their outer experience to match - although the refinement and presentation of my online course makes it a more simple and straightforward process than the long and windy road I originally took! People say they love my grounded and clear teaching style.
What I love most about this process, is that although I may be a guide, you are the one who owns it.
"Truthfully, you are always the one that heals yourself, and the results will be all yours."
You can learn how to heal yourself with a self love practice that can literally change your life. If you are ready to look inward, honestly and courageously, and once and for all free yourself from your suffering, open yourself to deep intimacy, to authentic heart-centred expression, creative potential, and joy, then I invite you to take this journey with me: The “Be Beloved” Self-Love Initiation, to AWKEN THE HEALER WITHIN...